‘Being single’ Discrimination!

Sometimes I don’t understand people.

I love my girlfriends..I so do. But I don’t love it when they decide to leave their friends high and dry for their bf. I’m sorry for being single, I’m sorry for not having a significant somebody to spend more time with and I’m sorry if I go all out to meet up with them when their bf’s gone out with ‘the boys’ or gone out hunting for the weekend and they so need a friend ..but when I need to talk to them on the phone for something important to me, they can’t answer the phone because they’re too busy with their significant other.

Single bashing, I tell you.

Be-stressed, bothered, and bewildered

So I have this predicament.

Bitched if I do, and damned if I don’t. That kind.

I have new music to premiere in a few months. Music that will make or break me. Beautiful music that I could hear in my mind. All I have to do is notate it in the best possible arrangement. Music that I know I will be happy with.

But what if I am not happy with the group that I am commissioned to write for?

What if I can somehow foresee that some performers will not be able to deliver my music in the style requested?

I’m so f*cked. It’s a big deal for me.

I keep reminding myself that music is for the masses. Use my music as a contribution to society. Blah blah. I shouldn’t be so hard-up or selfish, even, to take it so personally. It’s just a bad debut performance of my music. As long as the performers enjoy delivering it, right?

Sigh.

I know I will eventually get to that state of mind. But right now, I still feel like I’m having my knickers in a knot over this issue.

Musicians were not born as sensible, logical, and practical beings. I have the license to be emotional and slightly manic. And show traits of obsessive compulsiveness.

There is more to working life than just seeing patients, ordering investigations and managing them as well as we can.

There’s office politics, there are backstabbing “colleagues“, there are bitchy co-workers and just unsupporting bosses around you. I don’t know about you but, I wasn’t taught these things in uni!! You hear about ppl who step on others to make themselves look good in school but at work, it’s just petty and so not nice of that person!!!

Why can’t we just be nice to each another?

What I Want!!!

   
All I Want:

It’s the annual “Bariah’s Wish List” a.k.a What To Get Bariah for her upcoming birthday in May”. Honestly, rather than wondering what in the world to get me, just scroll down this list and voila (!) life is easy! (I’ll try and act surprised as well..haha)

1.  You can’t go wrong with an espresso machine esp if it’s red in colour! (I have no idea when am I going to actually stand in front of it and start frothing milk..but hey, at least I know it’s there if I want to do so!!)

 

2. A Bose Ipod SoundDock

Would make any music fan happy!!

3. Lonely Planet’s 132 Seize The Days

I need to find inspiration to go somewhere – even if it’s only a one hour break!!

4. Something chic & classy..like Gucci Pelham Guccisima Bag 

I’ve been eyeing this bag for ages but too poor to buy it..*sad*

5. A Trans-siberian railway ticket ..return please..not one way to Siberia!

but I will settle for a flight ticket to Russia actually..

and…

6. Of course you can’t go wrong with shoes…

or money..or make up..or money.. I’m not that fussy..really!!

Update from the Bush

G’day!

It’s been 3 months since I’ve started work and life hasn’t the same since.

Working is definitely harder than studying – the responsibility that you carry is sometimes just so enormous and you keep thinking “this person’s life is in myhands” and it can overwhelm you. It has overwhelm me many times – and in those times, I tell myself to breath and swallow my panic quickly because patients know when you panic. Acting and looking confident is important in this field.

So i’m currently in a rural hospital for 10 weeks – rural Australia is probably not as bad as some might imagine it to be – yes, there are rolling fields around me with back & white cows grazing lazily in them but no, I don’t work in a shabby tin hospital with no beds and no water and no electricity. It’s a pretty small hospital -  we all know each other so well that we probably know what each ate for dinner last night – but we’re just too polite to point out that the rice was under-cook. The town is small itself – it’s hard not to go out for dinner with friends and find your patients sitting next to you/ serving you/ taking your order. What else to do but smile and ask how are they doing.

My form of entertainment after work is the idiot box. I can feel my IQ slowly draining away as I watch anything and everything on TV. And when you watch tv, you tend to eat – so thats what I’ve been doing, watching and eating. Now, I’m trying to find a new hobby – online shopping. Surprisingly I can’t seem to find anything nice that I want to buy. I like going to shops to shop! I like the fact I can try on a piece of clothing, swing a bag on my shoulder or tottle in heels around the store. Internet shopping feels blergh but oh so convenient!

Anyway, tomorrow is Friday…yeay!

My Turn

This blog is the brainchild of three then university students studying their individual passions of medicine and music. This blog is meant to be an outlet between friends with a similar stress level – just different passionate reasons.

The silence on this blog is a testament to the busy lives we lead chasing our dreams in real-time, dealing with consequences, and wondering sometimes why we chose to entertain our passion.

Especially on days like today.

Approximately fifteen minutes ago, I gave my student a verbal lashing.

(Oh, by the way I work full time now)

Yesterday she asked if her alto group could clock in earlier for sectionals before the rest of the choir turned up. That means an earlier morning for me. Now, a regular Tuesday doesn’t require me to start work til 11am to recover from a 14 hour teaching schedule the day before.

So I woke up this morning – the grandest time of 6.30am. And debated with myself. Is it worth the lack of sleep? I don’t have to do it if I didn’t want to. But I shouldn’t say no to a bunch of students who were willing to make the collective effort to improve.

Battled the early morning jam. Opened the doors of the academy. Waited.

70% of the group showed up at their stipulated time. Doing nothing. No thing. Head honcho showed up half an hour late. She went to pick up a fellow chorister whom she failed to inform of the earlier time. Failed to inform, ladies and gentlemen.

And that was why I let her have it.

Because it pisses me off when students take my kindness for granted and leaders do not take responsibility.

So now I sit here, venting. While the whole choir rehearses out in the main area. They need to learn a lesson in taking charge and running independent rehearsals. I am their choir coach and technically, I paid for the rental of this rehearsal venue, not them. So I call the shots.

If they do not appreciate my supporting them, I will take my passion elsewhere once the whole choir competitions are over.

I wish I were by the beach sipping a latte while snacking on calamari rings and chips.

Life after a student – if there is any..*snort*

This blog needs an update and who better to do it then someone who’s been working 10 hour shifts for the past 4 days from 2pm – 12 midnight?

Hehe..anyway, I digress (or however you spell it).

I have actually FINISHED med school..like no kidding..goodbye “Hello, I’m Bariah..I’m a medical student, is it okay if I have a chat with you on why you’re in the hospital” and hello “I’m Bariah..I’m one of the doctors who’ll be looking after you today. How may I help you?”

Me..me a doctor?? It just seems so surreal!!

Graduation day was fun fun fun fun fun..from the parts that I can remember..you know sometimes you might have the day of you life and it just passes you by so quickly and all you can remember is a feeling? Thats how graduation day was for me – it was hot(40 degrees Celsius) and sweaty (thick robe, stuffy cap, lots of people stuffed into a hall) and smiley (ppl taking pics with you, flowers, presents, kisses, hugs, thank yous)..

and before you know it..you’re at the bottom of the food-chain..again.

There I was – the almighty finalyear med student (all you other meddies, bow to us!!!) and before I knew it, I am now an intern working (working!!!!!*hyperventilates*) in a pretty busy emergency department.

For those who loves medical tv shows and am thinking of a career in medicine because of it: life as a doctor is NOTlike grey’s anatomy (my bosses aren’t that hot) or house (I wish we had that much money to waste on all those fancy tests) or ER (not that dramatic..but since I’m currently working in the ED, I do get quite a rush of adrenaline running around trying to see several patients at the same time) or even scrubs (if only my life is as funny as theirs).

1st week of work is always traumatising- I nearly passed out on the first day of work. Not to mention my 1st patient yells at everything – try sticking a needle into her. I’ve never heard such colourful language from an 80 year old. 2nd day was a bit eventful – my bosses somehow thought I had good input (which is funny) but unfortunately I couldn’t sleep that night which made my 3rd day bad- the staff thought I was slow..hey, the last time I stitched up a person’s large bleeding gash on the head was…never okay. I only left the hospital at 1.30a.m. The good thing about 3rd day was there was quite a few emergency emergencies and I’ve -thank god- managed to find a vein and stick a huge-ass needle in their arm. It’s hard enough ppl telling you you’re slow but then ppl yelling “it’s an emergency..get to it!!!!”. 4th day was okay..a bit more confidence in sticking needles -though we all have our hits and misses- but I just realised you can go far with a smile and ‘pleases & thank yous’. Patients are definitely nicer with me, and staff seems to be quite pleasant as well. Good manners does is definitely a good thing to practice!!

As you can see: I have no life. It’s hard to have one when you’re spending nearly half the day working and the other half sleeping to prepare you for work.

I can say goodbye to my so-called social life (if I ever had one in the first place..*snort*). 

If there is such a thing as a ‘mail-ordered bridegroom’ (well, maybe there is!), then that is definitely for me.

adventures during easter

at long last!!!! i’m back in the blogging scene. to my beautiful friends (musician & fellow med stud), here it is, a massive flood of ‘things-that-happened-lately’…here goes…

 the past 3 weeks has been my easter break. its been amazing. it was a time for reflection, reading, reading, and more reading…..and travelling! a couple of friends and i went to the isle of skye, which is up north of scotland. my first tour-group travel…never did i foresee such fun!!! bubbly americans (i just love ‘em), a teacher from poland, friends from south africa, a french couple (un cafe, anyone?), china dudes, and an insaaaane tour guide, these all made up for an unforgettable getaway to the scottish highlands.

there was this time when our tour guide, Doug, stopped the bus next to a red phonebooth, in the middle of nowhere, and was like, “Okay, I wanna see how many people can fit into this phonebooth. The last record was 11, lets see how many we can fit this time!” And then he looked at my friend and I. “You two are DEFINITELY going in.” we had 12 in there…..I was absolutely squished! absolutely mental and hilarious!!! so yeah, we did it!

And he made us climb this mountain, and wow, i actually sun-bathed. really, i did. we chilled at the top and when it was time to leave, Doug challenged us to a highland charge….so there we were (he wanted to film us, so he was down below) all motivated and at the word ‘go’, we went for it! we charged downhill, yes, we literally could not stop even if we wanted to. it was keep-on-running or trip-and-fall.

oh, and i saw, guess who? hamish the highland cow!! it is the cutest, nearly-blond creature ever! he was like peaking through the well-combed hair over his eyes, enjoying the attention.

seriously, it was one wacky trip. the kinda trip we remember with a smile on our faces and itch to tell the world. travelling is the bomb. the travelling bug hasn’t left me yet, though. i wanna go down under one day. i really do.

so back to the real world. third year finals are like in a month and a half. bariah, i cant believe you’re like in 5th year!!! wow, my sincerest salute to you gurl! as for now, life is rosy, spring just brings such hope…:)

 i’ve been reading voraciously lately. life of pi by yann martel is good. the kite runner is absolutely a page turner. works by terry pratchet are engaging. oh, and zadie smith’s white teeth…i’m still half way through. its a little lengthy but writing style is good. i’ve tried newer writers like ali smith, dbc pierre who wrote vernon god little, but i somehow can’t seem to ‘get’ their work. i dont feel this wholesomeness like reading little women, or black beauty, or wuthering heights (remember, we were made to read them in tcs?). i tried the curious incident of the dog in the night time, but i couldn’t finish it, i just couldn’t!

but u know, the more i read, the more i realise i have yet to read thousands of other great titles out there. oh, and amazon.co.uk, not a good idea when credit card balance is on the rocks….it’s a tempting, sinister place, i tell u.

well, then, i’m trying to savour the last free weekend i have. i’m gonna make me-self a cup of tea. so, till the day i go to australia, here’s a virtual hug from edinburgh!

 long live our blog!!!!

2007..so far

Poor website – looks like we’ve been ignoring you for a long time..okay we (esp. I) will try to update you as much as I can (for more frequent updates check out my other site at http://www.xanga.com/bariah).

Anyway, I’ve started my final year of med school. Wow, final year. When I first started med school, final year seems eons away..like waaayyy too long to even consider about. And now here I am *hyperventilates*. What’s worse, I feel like I still know nothing (just like when I was starting med school)..people tell me I know more, but I don’t know..it doesn’t seem like it!

 I’m doing my emergency rotation currently and though it has it’s ups and downs, it’s actually not to bad – the people here are lovely and they try their damnest to help you out (if you’re stuck!). I might be slow at most things, I actually am not to bad at doing work – I can be pretty quick if I want to!.

I’ll be doing my surgical rotation next and that would be fun. My anatomy isn’t the strongest (not strong at all) and my memory is definitely failing so a surgical rotation would be good to give my poor brain a high voltage jolt to try and remember stuff!

Spending 10 hours in the hospital everyday is tiring. I soneed a holiday. Too bad it’s still a long way off till my hols come – until it does – I’m having fun making up plans and itinerary of where I want to go!

Anyway, that’s my 2007 update..mwah!

 Bariah (a.k.a the old med fart)

Bag Fetish

I -like every other normal woman- have a fetish. If I was rich, had nothing better to do with my money and am as hip as Carrie Bradshaw, I would have a major obsession with shoes (I do love them! but never really had the time to buy them). So the second best thing to shoes are of course bags.

And how much is too much? 41 bags.

I am only 23 and I have 41 bags. Would you call that an obsession or a fetish?

I wonder if they have a “Bags Anonymous”group. I might need help. Hahaha