Be-stressed, bothered, and bewildered

So I have this predicament.

Bitched if I do, and damned if I don’t. That kind.

I have new music to premiere in a few months. Music that will make or break me. Beautiful music that I could hear in my mind. All I have to do is notate it in the best possible arrangement. Music that I know I will be happy with.

But what if I am not happy with the group that I am commissioned to write for?

What if I can somehow foresee that some performers will not be able to deliver my music in the style requested?

I’m so f*cked. It’s a big deal for me.

I keep reminding myself that music is for the masses. Use my music as a contribution to society. Blah blah. I shouldn’t be so hard-up or selfish, even, to take it so personally. It’s just a bad debut performance of my music. As long as the performers enjoy delivering it, right?

Sigh.

I know I will eventually get to that state of mind. But right now, I still feel like I’m having my knickers in a knot over this issue.

Musicians were not born as sensible, logical, and practical beings. I have the license to be emotional and slightly manic. And show traits of obsessive compulsiveness.

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Published in: on August 7, 2008 at 1:38 am  Leave a Comment  

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