I Don’t Need Anything But You

Together at last, together forever
We’re tying a know that never can sever
I don’t need sunshine now to turn my skies to blue
I don’t need anything but you  – Annie

Today’s choir session almost broke my heart.

There I was, guiding the children’s choir through the famous Annie song. Then this kid (let’s call him Tiny Tim… you know, like the one from Scrooge?) burst into tears. Not the screwed-over-by-mom tears or the I’m-frustrated-I-can’t-get-it-right tears. This was something else.

Getting my assistant to take over, I guided the 12 year-old out of class to figure him out. In my mind, I was thumbing through the possibilities as well as their treatments… the probabilities are endless! Oh dear, don’t tell me he’s really upset about the death of his pet. I read it on his Facebook notification yesterday… and there was a sad emoticon attached. Firstly, I don’t understand how/why kids are so into Facebook… however, I’m thankful I saw it as it helped prepped the troubleshooting options in my mind then. Secondly, this is one of the few cases where children’s emoticons should be heavily considered and taken with a lot of weight. God forbid, the human form of expression has evolved to a handful of flipped symbols.

So I sat a sobbing Tiny Tim down and prompted him to speak his heart out. And I guessed right as he explained between heavy sobs how his pet of 2 years just stopped breathing. He talked about being helpless and clueless on how to revive it… about dealing with a little burial outside his home… about being confused at his current state of mourning… about confiding in his mom.

This kid had liquid pain streaming down his cheeks. It was heartbreaking to watch. As much as he gets on my nerves the odd occasion, my heart just went out to him and I had to fight back tears. I shared with him about the loss of my loved one and how death just makes us appreciate life even more… and that people who go through such tough times end up stronger… and that he was very brave to share his experience with me… and I thanked him. More importantly, I told him that it was OK to cry… even for a boy. He told me the song we were singing in the choir made him very emotional.

For a street smart, quick witted and smart-mouthed kid to wear his heart on his sleeve like that… I’m thinking he’s going to make a very good stage performer. On the flip side, I wish there was some power in me to protect children from experiencing such a raw emotion… I keep telling myself they’re not ready for this, children are supposed to be happy. But I guess some people learn life’s lessons earlier than others.

Since Tiny Tim requested for some alone time before rejoining the group, I had another colleague keep him company. Of course, the other children were concerned. I quietly explained the situation and reminded them to be supportive of a friend in need… which prompted a couple of testimonies from the choir on pet death. Tiny Tim rejoined within the hour and was seen being the hyperactive and silly class clown again… and I marvel at his recovery rate.

If only I could mirror that.


Achilles Last Stand

Dear 2010,

Whoa..what a year it has been. There were some ups but my 2010 has been dominated by downs..mainly one down but it was a big one. It was such a big down that it made whatever ups I have invisible and I can’t remember the other small (or smaller) downs I had. Lets say it cast a shadow to the whole year.

2010 has been…hmm..if I were to describe it in one word: sad. I spend a lot of time alone (some by chance and others by choice) considering if the life I am living is the one I want. I spend time with my family – more than ever..probably more than when I was in university. I flew back and forth to Malaysia a few times..I spend a lot of time in the airport and on airplanes – reading (I read loads of crap – I want my 8 hours back!!!- and found some gems as well), listening to music (I don’t care that you’re 60 ++ years old Jimmy Page, but I still think you’re hot! You too, Robert Plant..love the hair!!)  and did a lot of sudoku and crossword.  Airports are not fun..neither is flying.

Train rides are something different – I think train rides are the best time to daydream. If you’re lucky, you might even make a movie out of it (i.e. Peter Jackson while on that epic Tranzalpine New Zealand trip) or a book or an opus! Yup, I’m still waiting for that right train journey to write my magnum opus (I think it’ll either be the Trans-Siberian Rail or the Orient Express..the Orient Express sounds more romantic..I have a feeling on the Trans-Siberian Rail I might try to finish War and Peace..haha).

So 2010, you have robbed me of a loved one, left me with a lot of sadness, made me doubt my sanity and my reasons for being so isolated and given me time to brew some interesting inner demons…I have digested them all, put on rose-coloured glasses and look forward to 2011 being a better year.

Oh and happy new year people.


Meddie B

Published in: on December 30, 2010 at 11:20 am  Comments (1)  

Coming soon…

…an introspective view of The Musician’s grueling 2009 & 2010.

This includes, but not limited to, various forms of discrimination, hypocrisy, courage under fire, triumphs, and firsts.

Stay tuned… while I try to migrate my work from my old MacBook (Ben, named after Britten) to my new MacBook Air (Kate, named after Moss… for purely simplistically aesthetic reasons)

A little older…

Oh, hi..

Two years is a long time to be silent. Or maybe two years is the period of time it takes to get things into perspective. Or at least try to.

Love found. Love lost. Love gone forever. Love met by sheer coincidence.

“All you need is Love” – The Beatles

I am of firm opinion that The Beatles have got it all wrong. All we need, actually, is simplicity in thought, logical mindset, feet planted firmly on the (amidst shaky) ground, strong support, and regular spa treatments (but more on that later). If we survived on love alone, we would result in seeing carnage all around and realize that the proverbial blood is on our hands. Because we are dramatically tragic like that. Why else do you think tv stations thrive on selling-out human emotion via reality tv shows (no matter how degrading some are)? Because we connect to tragedy and drama. Because we are such beautiful realities of both elements.

We all know how depressive Christmas can get. A lot of time to reflect on… everything. And I realize that to love is to be realistic in making it work… not relying on hormones, pheromones, or romantic music from ancient gramophones.

There is a time to love… and there is a time to mourn for love lost. It never gets easier. Ten years down the road and I’m still struggling. Some days are easier than others. And in this case, a little older doesn’t equate to a little wiser. Just… a little more… introspective.

But that’s just my take. Perhaps the two meddies can shed some light while I go translate thoughts into songs.

~ The Musician

Published in: on December 13, 2010 at 7:39 am  Comments (1)